29th

It's October the 29th. For all the Hindus around the world, it's Deepavali. A celebration of the festival of lights. In my country, we celebrate this festive pretty grandly. There would be firecrackers, and all the Hindu devotees would decorate their houses with bright lights and light up small lamps around the house, making the whole house/ neighbourhood glow with happiness. It's beautiful, really.

Unfortunately, this day brings back painful memories for me. It's his birthday. We share the same birthdate, just with one month difference. I didn't realize how much it would hurt when the clock struck 12' on the 29th. My mind started having a recap of flashbacks. I convinced myself I've moved on, but I forgot how much memories can actually haunt us. I started having nightmares, flashbacks about us, about the promises he made me, the way he would hug me, the way he would lift up my face and try to cheer me up, the way he would kiss my forehead when he thought I fell asleep. These dreams, the memories were too painful to think off and I would wake up; eyes filled with tears.

I loved him.

I really loved him, and when shit happened, it just ended so suddenly. My subconscious was trying to tell me something and I went to see speak to someone about it because when I told my friends, they just brushed it off. They made fun of me and made me feel like I was weak, that I was dumb to have such feelings. I love my friends, I do, but they don't get the pain I went through, getting over him and the pain I still feel, trying to erase all the memories. The someone I spoke to, told me, that it would be best if I got closure.

Closure is the one thing that is unreacheable, I can say that for sure.

The only thing I can do is, just keep praying I would heal because I'm tired of hiding so much pain.

29th.