:)

Everyone has their own perception of the person they are. The person they wanna be. Unfortunately, society would never let that happen. We all have to fit into the perceptions of society. Because if we don't, we bring shame to our family. We become embarrassments. Life isn't easy and somehow, being a teenager, you gotta learn to please everyone as well as try to survive in this cruel world. To be honest, doing that, just crushed my spirit to live. I just gave up. I gave up trying to be myself. I gave up trying to be happy. I gave up striving towards my goals. I gave up maintaining my friendships. I decided to just be exactly what society wants me to be. To be exactly what my family wants me to be. Someone who isn't me. I lost every ounce of energy fighting back, trying to stand up for myself. Nobody seems to understand, or even care to see how much I was trying my best to fight off the judgmental society. Everything I say becomes wrong, or in a way I was written off as a rebel. I tried to open up, to strive for help, but sadly, I couldn't do it anymore. All I can do now is just be the person everyone wants me to be, and look forward to the day death comes looking for me. To tell you the truth, I wasn't rebelling. I was simply trying to find myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to try to find happiness, to try to not feel so numb but whilst doing that, apparently it has affected everyone so it's better if I suffer in silence than let anyone else get hurt because of me. I'm tired of this. I'm exhausted. So, I finally gave up. But don't worry, I'll still be the same person on the outside. It's just, on the inside, I have forever lost myself.

xx -N-